Between Plaslamps and Shadow

Indre Blackswain left the locker room, his hair still damp from rinsing off after holoball practice. He readjusted the strap of his bag, ready to leave Artemedia Academy. Few students remained on campus, and those still here worked on school projects, homework, or practiced an art or sport.

In the courtyards, Aydin sat on a synthstone bench bent over his commpad, the screen flashing through text and images. A gentle breeze from the ocean stirred his hair and the sunlight shone on his dark hair.

When they were both in primary school, Indre had found Aydin on the steps of the community building they both still lived in. His hair had been dampened from a light mist, a plaslamp illuminating his dark hair in the same way. 

“Hey, Indre!” Aydin waved, disrupting his thoughts. He’d grown a half a foot in the last two years, now towering over Indre.

“How’s school going?” Indre walked toward his neighbor.

“Good, good.” Aydin glanced at his commpad for a moment, turning the screen off. “Listen, do you have a minute?”

“What’s up?” Indre sat on the synthstone bench, his legs sore from practice. It had been a while since he’d had more than a casual conversation with Aydin.

Aydin hesitated, his commpad gripped loosely in one hand. “So, uh, my sister and me wanted to know if you’d like to hang out with us sometime.” He brushed strands of hair from his caramel-colored eyes. Indre let his gaze linger on his filled-out arms and chest. Aydin had been looking at the ground between them.

Indre’s stomach almost flopped. “What do you normally do?”

“Depends.” Aydin scratched the back of his head. “Video games, board games, head to the riverwalk, listen to music on the block roof, stargaze.” He trailed off. “Usually we talk a lot.”

“Yeah, sounds chill.” Indre tugged at his bag straps. “I like to watch the spaceport from the roof, so I’m on board.”

“You free sometime this week?” 

Warm eyes watched him and Indre paused a moment too long. He tapped on his wristgear a couple times, looking at his upcoming week. “I’m free tonight after a bit of schoolwork. You?”

“I’ll check with Violet and message you.” Aydin set the commpad down, the ghost of a smile plying his lips.

“You heading home?” 

“Nah,” Aydin said. “I’ve got a meeting with Mr. Rose soon.”

Indre grimaced. “Really, why?”

Aydin glanced at his commpad. “He’s not that bad. He’s helping me with a paper.”

“Well, good luck. I gotta get home.” Indre gripped his shoulder straps and got up. He waved goodbye.

“See you later.” Aydin waved back.

A salt-fresh breeze from the ocean stirred the trees outside of the school. On his short uphill walk, Indre waved to a few people working in the gardenscapes between the buildings. Mountains surrounded the metropolis of Pellene-Athene, and from this distance seemed a bit hazy. Snow would blanket the peaks in the next month or so. Maybe he’d try skiing this year. With the new climate moderators the snow would be better.

Indre grinned. Aydin was interested.

Walking into his community building, he passed the amenities floor and headed to the elevator, punching level 12. The elevator chimed and took him to his floor. As he entered the apartment, he dropped his bags by the door. “Hey, I’m home!” The whole flat smelled of peanut butter and chocolate.

Grandpa called from the family room. “How was practice today?”

“Coach said I had some great plays.” Indre leaned on the door frame. Grandpa sat on his beloved recliner, his commpad in one hand. “Thanks for the pointers. Did you get the recordings?”

Grandpa’s eyes twinkled and he tapped his finger on the commpad. “Gonna review them before dinner, champ.”

Grandma called from the kitchen. She glanced at him, then scooped dough from a bowl and placed it on a metal sheet. After putting the sheet in the oven, she turned to him. “So baby boy, tell me who it is?”

“How do you always know?” he asked. “Aydin asked me to hang out.” He sat on the counter and kicked his feet like he had as a kid.

“Grandma’s always know the look. He’s the Armstrong boy? Down on the fourth floor?”

Indre nodded.

“He’s good looking.” Grandma tapped her nose. “And smart from what I hear.”

Indre snagged a fresh cookie and devoured it. 

“Hungry? I’ll finish up these cookies and get started on dinner. Anything you want in particular?”

“Maybe a good traditional Thai curry?” 

Grandma smiled, her face wrinkling in delight. “Now that sounds like a challenge. Your dad is in the studio, so tell him dinner will be ready soon or he might forget again.”

“Okay.” He kissed her on the head and grabbed a few more cookies. Making his way to the family room, he waved to Grandpa.

“Take care of your bag,” Grandpa said before Indre could get to the door.

Grabbing his stuff from school, he flung his bag into his bedroom to deal with later, mostly likely before dinner.

Indre headed back out of the flat and down to the artist studio. There was almost no better place in Pellene-Athene for lighting. The studio faced the inner courtyard, with late afternoon sunlight dripping from the trees. A light breeze rustled the leaves, the light dancing in silvers and golds.

His dad faced the window, but his eyes never left the canvas. Indre coughed to announce his presence. His dad took a few minutes to finish before turning, stretching out his back and shoulders.

“Grandma said she’d be fixing dinner soon.” He held out a still-warm cookie. “I snagged one for you. Almost done?”

His dad shrugged, chewing the cookie. “Who knows? The canvas said I’m not done yet.”

Indre headed to the large window. “So, I might hang with Aydin this evening.”

“Nate’s kid? He seems like a nice guy.”

Indre rubbed his hands together. “Yeah, he’s always been kind. We reconnected at school today.”

“I’m glad for you, kiddo.” His dad ruffled his hair. “I’m gonna finish up here before dinner. Get a start on your homework, so you can enjoy your evening.”

“Thanks Dad,” Indre said.

 ***

Indre tapped his wristgear, sending a message to Aydin. All done for the evening.

Hey Indre! Done too. We’re gonna head up to the roof and stargaze in about 15. Unless you’d rather do something else?

Indre smiled and tapped out a reply: Roof sounds good. See you soon.

He checked his appearance in the mirror, tidying a few stray hairs and straightening his black microknit sweater. He straightened his shoe rack one more time, and tidied at his bedsheets again, in case Aydin came over. He waved goodbye to his family as they watched a program on the holoscreen.

Heading up one flight of stairs, Indre found the roof empty. A light breeze with a bite made him regret choosing a thinner sweater. But then the air stilled and he warmed again. He paced.

Familiar stars twinkled above. The smaller moon Tito rose in the southeast, casting its silvery light on the hills and mountains around the city. Indre took a deep breath, relaxing against the tension building in his muscles. Almost like a big holoball game.

He paused, gazing out at the spaceport to the west across the muted lights of the city. The port dwarfed every other building in Pellene-Athene, and most of the buildings on the planet. No scheduled flights tonight—which made for better stargazing anyway. One day, he’d walk through the spaceport and head into the great cosmos. 

Violet came through the stairwell first. She wore a loose hoodie and jeans, and carried a small tote bag and a large blanket. Aydin, wearing a green sweater and loose pants, shouldered his way through the door, dwarfing his petite sister. He had a blanket and two totes overflowing with pillows.

Indre waved them both over. Violet smiled and briefly looked him over before approaching. Aydin adjusted his burden and followed. 

“This okay?” Indre asked. “Need any help Aydin?”

“It’s perfect.” Violet found a good spot facing the rising moon. “I like your style tonight.” With the slight tilt of the roof and the pillows, they would have a great view of the sky. She set down the tote and shook out the first blanket and laid it neatly on the ground. 

Aydin handed Indre the blanket and set down his totes. “Help me lay it out so it doesn’t get lumpy.” 

Together, they laid out the second blanket and Violet placed the pillows and cushions. She also set up three silvery speacons to transmit music. 

Another salt breeze drafted over the roof and sent Indre shivering for a moment. Aydin moved to block the breeze.

Violet made herself comfortable on the edge of the blanket.

“I feel bad that I didn’t bring anything,” Indre said. “If you wanna wait a second, I can go grab some snacks or something? Grandma made some cookies this afternoon.”

“Maybe in a bit?” Violet patted the spot next to her. “It’s so peaceful up here.”

“We just ate and I’m not ready for anything else yet,” Aydin added.

Indre took Violet’s invitation, surprised at how comfortable the set up was. He leaned back and rested his head on a pillow gazing at the night sky. Tito glowed bight. Her sister moon, Bella, would rise in the morning.

After adjusting Violet’s speacon set up, Aydin plopped to his left. 

“So, who picks music?” Indre asked.

Violet giggled. “We usually rotate. It’s Aydin’s turn tonight.”

“If you want to play something in particular Indre, feel free. Otherwise I put together a pretty killer list. Great for thinking.”

“Go for it,” he said.

Aydin tapped a few times on his wristgear and a sonorant pulsing came from the speacons, a steady beat with flowing tones. Indre relaxed. He’d heard plenty of Study Music for the way it helped move away distractions. This one was new.

“You know,” Violet said after a few minutes. “Old Earth should be just over there. See it?” She pointed above the horizon east of Tito. “Good ol’ Solas is still out there shining.”

“Have you ever wanted to go there, Indre?” Aydin asked.

“Old Earth? Would be pretty cool to see in person.” Indre waved his hand at the sky. “How awesome would it be to go out and explore, you know?”

“Yeah.” Aydin let out a breath.

Indre felt heat coming from Aydin, now glad he hadn’t worn anything extra. Hyper aware of any movement to his left, Indre had to focus on the stars and what Aydin was saying.

“Can you imagine though?” Aydin continued. “Watching the holodramas gives you some context, but being able to see it in person? All the monuments, museums, and history. A dream.”

“Sentimental Aydin,” Violet chimed in. “We haven’t even seen much of Verona Prime and we live here. And Old Earth is so boring don’t you think, Indre?”

“Aren’t there a few Old Earth exhibits going on right now?” Indre asked.

“Yeah, go to those, Aydin.” 

“It’s not even the same, Vi.” Aydin sat up, leaning over them and waving his arms wide. “It’s one thing to see the objects, and of course it’s always the same like 50 rotating exhibits with none of the good stuff. I mean who is interested in Plastics of the 20^th and 21^st Centuries? Or Monuments of the Worst People? Probably they do it ‘cause no one cares that much if they are lost in space.”

He lay down again, and Indre swore he was closer than a few minutes ago. Indre focused again on the conversation. Right. Exhibits.

“Uh yeah.” Indre scratched his head. “So many school trips. I want to see the real skeletons of dinosaurs instead of synthbone models. Or the great ancient pyramids from around the world.”

“Real dinosaur bones would be pretty cool,” Violet said.

“You—”

“And,” Violet continued over her brother, “seeing how the pyramids were made.”

Upbeat music came on. Indre recognized the song, “Zero Alpha.”  He’d told Aydin about it a couple years ago, when he couldn’t stop listening to it. 

“The stars are pretty tonight,” she said. “Don’t you think so, Indre?”

“Yeah.” Tito had risen more fully, bathing the valley city in ethereal light. He turned his head slightly to better see the blue plaslamps of the spaceport blinking in the distance. He wondered what it would be like on Old Earth. Pellene-Athene was supposed to be much like a mix of Napa Valley and Tuscany. If he visited those places, would it feel like home?

After a few minutes of silence, Aydin shifted next to him. “So, how is holoball going this season?”

Indre cupped his hands under his head. “Got a good team this year, so we might make championships again. Those are the stressful games.” He hesitated. “But I’m hoping to get into the VASA Explorer Program.”

Aydin whistled and Violet coughed a few times.

“That’s a damn hard school to get into,” Violet said.

Indre sat up and looked up into the inky sky. “I know it’s a long shot. But I’ve been drawn to it my whole life.”

“I think you can do it,” Aydin said.

He paused a moment, picking at a stray fiber on the blanket. “I wouldn’t mind playing holoball for a canton team like the Wild Greeks, or even a regional one. What about you? What do you dream of?”

Violet sighed and Indre turned toward her. Her eyes were closed and a small smiled played on her lips. “I will be at the cutting edge of fashion. And if that somehow doesn’t work out, theatre and costume design. I’ve worked on almost all the plays for Artemedia.”

“I’ve seen a few. Good work on the costumes.” He turned to Aydin. “You?”

Aydin’s chest expanded, and Indre watched the play of muscle under the fabric of his sweater. “I’d like to write. The artists at the marina community block published a few of my pieces this year.”

“Wow, that’s amazing,” Indre said. “Can I read some of your work?”

“Uh, yeah.” Aydin tapped at his wristgear. “There. You should have it. I hope you like poetry or contemporary fiction.”

“Of course.” Indre watched Aydin. “Something about poetry changes the mind.”

Aydin blushed and turned away from Indre’s gaze for a moment. “Yeah, it does, doesn’t it?”

Indre reclined, upbeat music continuing to brighten the air. Indre relaxed into the conversation lull. Writing huh. Indre moved his hand to rest against Aydin’s while the stars crawled across the sky. Indre let out his breath. His muscles melted, and gravity began to slip away. He wondered if this was what it was like to travel in space.

Slowly, he tapped Aydin’s hand with his pinky. Indre had dated several people across the gender spectrum, but guys were different. Shy.

Aydin’s hand unfurled, relaxing into Indre’s.

Though he watched at the stars and moon, his attention focused on the warm hand. Their fingers entwined in the light of thousands of stars, Solas among them.

Indre smiled, unwilling to suppress this moment. He let out another breath. A cool breeze blew over the roof. Violet shivered closer.

Then he felt the tap of her pinky on his other hand.

He crashed, his body leaden. Aydin had said he and Violet wanted to hang out. Indre breathed in, staring up and trying to keep his body still as his mind raced. Even a brief consideration of Violet brought to mind his worst two exes. 

Indre tightened his hand to a loose fist. Violet exhaled, a light hitch in her throat.

Urged to act, he lightly squeezed Aydin’s hand and then let go.  “I think it’s time for cookies,” he announced. He rose, looking first to Violet, her clouded eyes staring into the distance, then to Aydin. “Is peanut butter chocolate chip okay?”

“Sounds good to me,” Aydin said. But he looked confused.

Indre looked down at his hands, not trusting himself to say anything aloud. Hopefully Aydin would understand. If nothing else, Violet would start talking immediately when he was out of earshot.

“Same.” Violet didn’t look at him.

Indre fled down the stairs.

“Back so soon?” Grandpa asked, looking up from a word puzzle. “Jai and Grandma left for a walk.”

“Uh,” Indre said. “I came back to get cookies. I think this was Violet’s idea not Aydin’s.”

Grandpa set down his pen and followed Indre into the kitchen. Indre grabbed a plate of cookies and set the oven to warm. 

“So, why not both?”

“Ew, Grandpa, that’s gross.” Indre paced the kitchen. “Besides, she is very similar to Blanca. And Dave.”

Grandpa chuckled. “Yeah and we all know how those went. Well, looks like you learned something. Cookies as a peace offering?”

“And I hope that she and Aydin talk it out and I don’t have to.”

Grandpa shook his head. “Maybe for the best. You shouldn’t explain. Remember, ‘Don’t lead on, so go be strong.’ Simply knowing will be enough for her.”

“I know, I know.” Indre poked at the oven glass.

Grandpa hugged him and Indre relaxed a bit. “Sorry Grandpa,” he said. “It’s just a lot.”

“Well, if Aydin is interested, you should return.” The old man clapped Indre a couple times on the back and let him go.

Indre grabbed the warm plate and headed out, cookies at the ready. He trudged toward the stairs and listened a moment on the roof. Quiet. He pushed the door open, hoping if Violet had stayed that she wouldn’t react like Dave had.

Aydin sat on the blankets, hugging his legs and observing the stars. Again, he remembered dejected Aydin, wet in the misting rain. 

“You look like you could use something warm,” Indre said, offering Aydin the plate.

Aydin took one. He popped the whole thing in his mouth and chewed.

“And possibly a hug too,” Indre offered.

“You remembered?” Aydin looked to him, his eyes wide. “I could use a hug too, just like then.”

“Of course I remember.” Indre set the plate on the blanket and wrapped his arms around Aydin, pulling him close. “How could I forget? You looked like you really needed someone.”

“I did. I don’t know if I ever said thank you enough.”

After a moment, Indre asked, “Will she be okay?” He left an arm wrapped around Aydin and then settled next to the bigger man.

“Yeah,” Aydin looked up at the sky. “She’s fine. Didn’t want it to be awkward.” He paused for a moment, turning to look at Indre. “It’s sudden for me, too. I mean.”

Indre looked down at the cookies. Taking his arm off Aydin, he grabbed a cookie. Out on the roof, they did not have the same comforting warmth.

“I’m sorry if I caused harm,” Indre said. Unsure, he started to move away. 

“Stay,” Aydin said, taking his hand. Aydin smiled, though it seemed sad. “It’s my fault. Or Vi’s. She kept pestering me.”

“Oh,” Indre said, his stomach tumbling.

“Sorry, I’m not good at this.” Aydin gestured to nothing, then placed his other hand on Indre’s. 

“I thought you and Rebeccah were a thing last year? What about Zhao?”

Aydin chuckled. “Yeah, everyone did. Rebeccah and I were like siblings. In some ways, I was closer to her than Violet. We still talk even though she’s off-planet. With Zhao, he wasn’t interested. I was afraid you might be too.”

“Aydin,” Indre inched closer and rested a hand on his knee. “So, this is all new to you?”

“Yeah,” Aydin said. “I mean, I’ve watched all the shows and everything.”

“But?”

“Not with you.” Aydin blushed, red creeping up from his neck. “Hey, don’t give me that look, Blackswain!” Aydin snatched a cookie. “C’mon you’ve always only dated the most popular or best-looking people at school. I’m not in the ‘it crowd’ and never could be.”

Indre averted his eyes to watch the spaceport blink at him. “I didn’t know that’s how you felt. Most of the people I’ve gone out with asked me. And I gave them all a try. I mean, why not? Well, your sister is the second I said no to.”

“Yeah?”

Indre grinned. “As you can see, none of them worked out. Low success rate. But at least I learned that people like Blanca, Dave and Violet, well sometimes I don’t like them that way.”

He reached out and took Aydin’s hand again.

“I don’t know what to say?”

Indre leaned in and kissed Aydin gently on the cheek. “Sometimes you don’t need to say anything.” Indre looked into Aydin’s caramel eyes. He saw fear, excitement, desire, nerves all churning.

Indre focused on curved lips, leaned in and kissed Aydin. Gentle, caring, but also showing Aydin his longing and heat. Aydin kissed him back. 

Passion danced electric on their tongues. Heat pooled between them, a liquid glow. Indre melted into strong unpracticed arms, unsure hands roving and faltering across his clothes.

After a long moment, Indre placed a hand on Aydin’s chest and slowly pulled back. Wide dark eyes clouded with desire drank Aydin in.

Hazy, Indre asked, “How was that?”

Aydin grinned. “Amazing. Better than any dream.” 

“Yeah?” Indre smiled back. “It’s never been like this for me.” He combed fingers through Aydin’s hair, silvery-blue light shimmered off the dark strands. “You are so beautiful.”

Aydin blushed, then leaned in to kissed him again. “You always are.”